I am a man with too many failures.
I failed in exams. I took 5 years to finish my graduation, which many others cleared in 3 years.
I failed in love (many times).
Quite recently, I have failed again when I tried (a couple of times) to write a book.
I start with a nice idea which I believe can be put into a book. But by the time I reach 3rd or 4th page, this horrible thought begins to hover all over me: “Ashok, this is shit; this is a big shit; believe me, nobody is going to read a single page.” No matter how hard I try, this thought overpowers me and I end up leaving the thing then and there. This has happened to me a couple of times (4 times, to be precise).
I am convinced now that I do not have what it takes to be a writer; I do not have what it takes to tell a good story; maybe I have not seen much in my life; but I want to write a book; I want to be a writer, a writer whom people love, respect, envy.
Even here on this blog, I have not been able to put up a post for months. Every time I sit to write a post for this blog, I get this ‘Writer’s Block’ or whatever it is, and I am not able to come to a topic to write upon. Thankfully, this frustration of not being able to write a book is helping me here to come up with a post.
I have failed many times. I do not want to fail any more. I want to succeed. I want to prove my worth. I want someone to help me out, someone who could transform this very me. God, you listening?